You do you

Days have been flying by. I haven’t really accomplished anything

I keep finding ways to define success. Can I buy it by swiping my credit card? I am sure it is not just having lots and lots of money

Is it when everyone claps when you walk up a stage? Or is it when you hear your parents talk about you proudly with relatives and friends?

When I was growing up I had no idea how to be ambitious. Like all teenagers I thought about boys and marriage. Don’t blame me. Blame the Bollywood movies.

Age didn’t matter. Falling in love was easy. Schools and colleges were filled with young girls secretly talking to boys, texting them and some trying to just get attention. Doing things secretly was fun. You always tend to do what you are not allowed to do.

I didn’t stand out in that way. But deep inside I knew I was different. I was treated differently. I do not really know why. I guess somehow somewhere I didn’t fit in.

Freedom was all I wanted. It was all I craved for. I know I wouldn’t cross my limits. But I wanted to learn life by making my own mistakes instead of blaming someone else for it.

Somewhere in between all this I ended up wanting more than just being loved by people. I wanted to be ambitious. I grew up. I wanted to have a good career.

I didn’t know how to be authentic. This was my biggest problem. I thought being me was boring. I thought I needed to acquire a new career, a new personality and a new life to be interesting.

I imitated successful people in hopes of becoming like them. I walked and talked like my favorite people. But it was only from the outside. Inside I was all about nonsense fun.

This is all because I kept making the same mistakes over and over again. When does one learn?

Well, learning came for me in 2018. I got sick. Really really sick. I am not able to drive a car or work. This period of staying at home and wondering what went wrong gave me enough to learn from.

Today I learned that being authentic is the most important thing. I am still not even close to where I want to be. But I know how to get to where I want to be.

You lose half your energy trying to be someone else. The rest half is not enough especially if you have bigger goals. I have big goals. I am not a lazy person. I need to be challenged to keep me going. For this I need all my energy. 100 %

I have a thirst for acquiring knowledge.

I have a new appreciation for life.

I will forever learn from my mistakes and grow. It is never too late.

Most of all I know that I need to love myself everyday just the way I am.

I need to be authentic.