Is it worth it?

Hello beautiful people,

So when do you say No?

Some of you know that for the past few months I have been struggling with back pain. It seemed to be a mystery to many doctors. I don't know why. It is upper back pain that radiates to my lower back and other parts because it was never treated. And I am sure I hurt it when I was working out excessively. I dived right into yoga teacher certification even before I took basic yoga classes. I strained my body way too much more than it was ever used to. 

Many people made me believe it was depression. I did have a lot of stress at one point in my life. I always had anxiety. But I am confident I never had depression. The current health care made me believe I have depression. I was always diagnosed with depression and anxiety whenever I went to get my back pain checked out. On the top of all this, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia.  It made me more anxious. I started questioning everything in life. I begin to question things that made me happy once. 

Finally, I started telling my husband I may have depression. At the same time I strongly believed that there is only one cure to this problem; change the way I perceived it. I never resorted to pills. The idea of taking pills for these kinds of things made me very scared. I got accupuncture done, I meditated and took a lot of natural remedies.  

Finally I decided to take a pill called Cymbalta which is supposed to be a antidepressant. The doctor asked me not to read up anything on it because it would scare me. I decided to listen for one time because I had extreme pain. THIS PROBABLY WAS THE WORST DECISION OF MY LIFE. One pill and I was done. I took the pill and didn't feel anything for a few hours. I thought may be it was working. After a few hours I decided to go out because I had an eye doctor appointment. I drove for 5 mins and I saw just white light. It was crazy. I am glad I didn't get into an accident. I called my husband immediately and told him how I felt. Luckily I just had a few minutes of drive back home. I got back home and laid on the couch for the rest of the evening. I was shivering, my heart rate was slowing down and I was feeling like I would pass out any minute. 

This was a near-death experience for me. What if a car hit me? No one ever told me the side effects. I just assumed I would be fine. I suffered those symptoms for one full week. Just one pill. I know. I couldn't believe it either. And then I read up about it. HORRID stories. People suffered severe withdrawal symptoms when they tried to get off of it. Almost everyone on the pill advised other people not to take it because of the adverse side effects. 

The way this pill works is horrendous. It makes your brain believe everything is OK when it probably actually isn't. Brain gets used to the excessive amounts of serotonin production. You are made to live like a zombie. You feel no pain or pleasure. You get very irritable and can't live a normal life anymore. On the top of it all, you may get suicidal thoughts or want to kill someone. Now, that is not very serious, is it? Why would you voluntarily put yourself through this? For some people it probably works. I am glad it does. 

I am done with pills. I hate them. Thank God I stopped at one. What if I kept taking them? I would have never been ME. I would have never been the girl that loved fantasies. I can't predict what could have happened. But I know it wasn't for me. 

Doctors shouldn't resort to pills as a cure. They should try all other ways before suggesting a strong pill like this. In my case it should be just banned and made illegal. I can go on and on about this. But for now, I am going to stop my rant. 

Dear friend, I understand what you may be going through. I feel you. I have been through it. Please, please give the natural ways another chance. Give it long enough. Hope you feel better if you going through this horrible depression. I am with you. Hope you don't have to experience any more pain in life. 

Lots of love,

Me. For which I am thankful.